My mom emailed me today about going to dinner with her and my dad for their anniversary. She's been loving coming into the city to visit, and after her last visit, decided that my father needed to try Rick Bayless's Frontera. So she called and made reservations at 6pm for four. Four.
Let me share a little something friends, I am an only child. Judge away, and make any comments you want about being spoiled, ungrateful...whatever. This is important information in that 1+1+1=3, not four. Apparently my mother is also ready for me to date.
When I inquired "Ma, exactly who is this 4th mystery person?", she responded with "Well, November is a long time away. ;)". Yes, my mother threw a wink face at me. She has NO IDEA that means DTF...a lesson I learned courtesy of OKC. Or maybe she does, and she's trying to get me to come around to the idea of sex with strangers.
Either way, I was hit this morning with the realization that my mother thinks I should be in a relationship by now. And while I started this journey a week in advance of her innuendo (preemptive strike?), it still kind of bothers me. I have friends that are in their mid-thirties that are not anywhere close to being ready to settle down. I mean, c'mon...Sex and the City were in their 40's.
I think we all want to find someone to share lazy Sundays with, but the more we're pressured and the faster we try to do it, the worse the decisions are that we make. Mom and I are going to have a come to Jesus meeting, because this can't continue. Nothing comes more quickly when you force it, and god knows I'm not the needy type. I do like dating, but I'd rather be single than stuck in a shitty relationship to appease someone else. Been there, and I barely made it off the edge once.
All The Single Ladies...
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Backpedal Bonanza
So here's the thing with online dating. That first week is really exciting. Everyone you scroll through has the potential to be "The One" or at least "Good Enough To Buy Me A Drink". I have winked/flirted with a ton of guys who are now responding to my casual advances. And each one I am looking at, I am so confused as to what I was thinking.
For starters I am still messaging fairly continuously with three guys...granted, of the three, only one is from the original batch last week. The other two are relatively new to my inbox.
The Veteran, as he will now be officially dubbed, is on a burger quest, has an unusual profile picture that hides his eyes, and enjoys margaritas, Ninja Warrior, and weddings. The standard information that I usually get (job, neighborhood, etc.) has not been discussed, which is actually kind of exciting assuming he ever actually proposes a date. But, it's also only been a week, so I'll calm down.
Behind Door #2 we have an English teacher who shall be named the Professor. He's got the nerdy glasses, adorable stubble, and I'm very much blinded by his vocabulary. Nearly blinded enough to ignore that he fessed up to seeing moe. 70 times. No, I'm not talking about the 3rd Stooge either...think jam band beyond DMB. He also has a cat. But he's so adorable! Bleh - with my allergies to cats and jam bands, this will probably only take one sleepover before I come to my senses. Assuming we get that far. I narrowly averted making a Hocus Pocus reference today...I forget not all people appreciate the art of Bette Midler in that movie.
My current 3rd prospect (which, they will all likely fall off the map long before I get around to exchanging numbers) is Meatloaf. Not literally (and I'm not sure if that would be awesome or regrettable), but because he threw a housewarming party featuring 8lbs of meatloaf, a Meatloaf soundtrack, and movies featuring Meatloaf. Personally, I would do this in warmer weather, but I still think it's rather brilliant. He's a bit of a creative type; as an accountant, I tend to seek these "outside the box" thinkers. Perhaps to combat my own rigidity? Shit just got real.
Anywho, these are the people I kind of like. I have, however, spent the better part of today dancing away from my previous declarations of attraction. I've had a message chain with a guy with a ridiculous mustache going that I just deleted. Mainly because I don't think I could ever date Boris and I'm not sure how I feel about a guy being able to twirl any portion of hair on his body. I also gave a guy 4 stars who didn't even have a full face shot. I have no idea why that was a good idea. And he decided to message me. I couldn't put together a response...he was also 5'7"...I'm 5'10" (we think...it's like weighing yourself...you never REALLY want to know once you cross 5'7"). I'm aware these are completely superficial rejections - and I'm not proud of it. But, it's Monday, I'm still half hungover from a weekend in WI, and I'm allowed to make some bad decisions.
I'm trying to keep an open mind and not get so picky. I think a lot of it has to do with putting in the effort to respond to an email. You start weighing the potential for carpal tunnel versus a date. Carpal tunnel won today.
For starters I am still messaging fairly continuously with three guys...granted, of the three, only one is from the original batch last week. The other two are relatively new to my inbox.
The Veteran, as he will now be officially dubbed, is on a burger quest, has an unusual profile picture that hides his eyes, and enjoys margaritas, Ninja Warrior, and weddings. The standard information that I usually get (job, neighborhood, etc.) has not been discussed, which is actually kind of exciting assuming he ever actually proposes a date. But, it's also only been a week, so I'll calm down.
Behind Door #2 we have an English teacher who shall be named the Professor. He's got the nerdy glasses, adorable stubble, and I'm very much blinded by his vocabulary. Nearly blinded enough to ignore that he fessed up to seeing moe. 70 times. No, I'm not talking about the 3rd Stooge either...think jam band beyond DMB. He also has a cat. But he's so adorable! Bleh - with my allergies to cats and jam bands, this will probably only take one sleepover before I come to my senses. Assuming we get that far. I narrowly averted making a Hocus Pocus reference today...I forget not all people appreciate the art of Bette Midler in that movie.
My current 3rd prospect (which, they will all likely fall off the map long before I get around to exchanging numbers) is Meatloaf. Not literally (and I'm not sure if that would be awesome or regrettable), but because he threw a housewarming party featuring 8lbs of meatloaf, a Meatloaf soundtrack, and movies featuring Meatloaf. Personally, I would do this in warmer weather, but I still think it's rather brilliant. He's a bit of a creative type; as an accountant, I tend to seek these "outside the box" thinkers. Perhaps to combat my own rigidity? Shit just got real.
Anywho, these are the people I kind of like. I have, however, spent the better part of today dancing away from my previous declarations of attraction. I've had a message chain with a guy with a ridiculous mustache going that I just deleted. Mainly because I don't think I could ever date Boris and I'm not sure how I feel about a guy being able to twirl any portion of hair on his body. I also gave a guy 4 stars who didn't even have a full face shot. I have no idea why that was a good idea. And he decided to message me. I couldn't put together a response...he was also 5'7"...I'm 5'10" (we think...it's like weighing yourself...you never REALLY want to know once you cross 5'7"). I'm aware these are completely superficial rejections - and I'm not proud of it. But, it's Monday, I'm still half hungover from a weekend in WI, and I'm allowed to make some bad decisions.
I'm trying to keep an open mind and not get so picky. I think a lot of it has to do with putting in the effort to respond to an email. You start weighing the potential for carpal tunnel versus a date. Carpal tunnel won today.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Researching Love?
A lot of women feel the need to do "research" and analysis on why they're single. Don't get me wrong, I've fallen into the trap before. There are few things I enjoy more than a witty dating blog (ahem) or watching a reality show like Millionaire Matchmaker.
While these can certainly be entertaining, I think we sometimes put too much stock in the lessons that these shows teach. Tough Love is a perfect example. I adore Steve Ward and would love to sleep with him (oh yeah, it's out there. And I mean it.). That being said, I don't know that all his rules are really rocket science. I mean, don't be weird? Seriously? There are women that you have to TELL to not be weird? It boggles my mind. Patti Stanger has some seriously biting quotes and advice too. I have curly hair, and I still take offense to the idea that "no one wants to date a Brillo pad". That being said, I am hit on 5X more when my hair is straight. So, maybe she is on to something.
I started watching Miss-Advised on Bravo and only got through one episode. It is legitimately painful. I don't buy that any of those women could be deemed a "relationship expert". Now, I don't necessarily believe that if I saw myself on a date on TV that it would be flawless, but I'd like to believe that I don't come off like a total crazy person. At a minimum, I wouldn't have a conniption over drinking hot chocolate.
At the end of the day, no one can explain why or how we're single or in a relationship. I dated a guy who said it was all about timing and luck, and I totally believe that. Some people are fucked up headcases, absolutely. But I know a few who are that are in successful relationships. I can research and watch reality shows ad nauseum, but it's not going to get me a date unless I get the hell off my couch and into a bar/grocery store/over to my desk chair and onto an online site.
By the way, Day 2 has yielded my first lesbian request. From an 18 year old. That being said, I am corresponding with 3 potential guys who seem fun. Who knows though - that changes quickly. I also definitely dropped the 4th guy from yesterday. It was like talking to a brick wall via email. If you can't write a complete thought and ask questions, this is never going to work.
While these can certainly be entertaining, I think we sometimes put too much stock in the lessons that these shows teach. Tough Love is a perfect example. I adore Steve Ward and would love to sleep with him (oh yeah, it's out there. And I mean it.). That being said, I don't know that all his rules are really rocket science. I mean, don't be weird? Seriously? There are women that you have to TELL to not be weird? It boggles my mind. Patti Stanger has some seriously biting quotes and advice too. I have curly hair, and I still take offense to the idea that "no one wants to date a Brillo pad". That being said, I am hit on 5X more when my hair is straight. So, maybe she is on to something.
I started watching Miss-Advised on Bravo and only got through one episode. It is legitimately painful. I don't buy that any of those women could be deemed a "relationship expert". Now, I don't necessarily believe that if I saw myself on a date on TV that it would be flawless, but I'd like to believe that I don't come off like a total crazy person. At a minimum, I wouldn't have a conniption over drinking hot chocolate.
At the end of the day, no one can explain why or how we're single or in a relationship. I dated a guy who said it was all about timing and luck, and I totally believe that. Some people are fucked up headcases, absolutely. But I know a few who are that are in successful relationships. I can research and watch reality shows ad nauseum, but it's not going to get me a date unless I get the hell off my couch and into a bar/grocery store/over to my desk chair and onto an online site.
By the way, Day 2 has yielded my first lesbian request. From an 18 year old. That being said, I am corresponding with 3 potential guys who seem fun. Who knows though - that changes quickly. I also definitely dropped the 4th guy from yesterday. It was like talking to a brick wall via email. If you can't write a complete thought and ask questions, this is never going to work.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
24 Hours and Counting
I've officially been listed on OKC for 24 hours. I feel like I earned a merit badge. Potentially a demerit badge depending on how this goes. I always forget how exciting this is. Honestly, it's kind of like having 50 random strangers come up and tell you you're pretty. It's never a bad thing to hear.
Nothing much as far as breaking news. It's all introductory "hi, where are you from" stuff. Scamming through a million pictures and profiles, guessing at who could hold a cocktail and a conversation. I'm emailing with 4 guys as of yesterday. Three seem vaguely normal; I'm pretty sure the 4th won't make the cut - he's not the brightest crayon in the box. I've learned to steer clear of the perennial bouncer from my last run at this. But, you never know. And like I said before, if you're not going to wear my skin, I'll try it.
I'm also a big believer in messaging the hell out of people. Honestly, I've probably sent about 8-10 messages in the past 24 hours. I don't know, maybe men view that as aggressive. All I know is that the messages I receive, 9 times out of 10, are from creeps or out of towners. I literally had a guy from FL email me to say the following:
"You created a very enjoyable profile to read! I live far away and we most likely would never meet, but I though you should know from someone completely anonymous that you rock. Rock on, girl...rock on."
I don't even know what to do with that. I did an internet shrug and moved on.
The more interesting development is that OKC has decided to use me to moderate the website. Yup, apparently someone thought that I have a great sense of propriety and decency (misread on that one), and they have now given me the power to review pictures, profiles, and messages that are deemed "inappropriate" by users. I am not Spiderman - I do not believe that this great power comes with great responsibility. So, I'll share a few of my favorites as this blog continues. I didn't have much time yesterday to investigate. But, I did come across a woman in a mesh body suit (nipples out!) posing with a dog statue. The woman, by the way, was over 50. Yahtzee! I told OKC to "Leave It Alone"...I hope I'm that brazen when I'm 50.
Nothing much as far as breaking news. It's all introductory "hi, where are you from" stuff. Scamming through a million pictures and profiles, guessing at who could hold a cocktail and a conversation. I'm emailing with 4 guys as of yesterday. Three seem vaguely normal; I'm pretty sure the 4th won't make the cut - he's not the brightest crayon in the box. I've learned to steer clear of the perennial bouncer from my last run at this. But, you never know. And like I said before, if you're not going to wear my skin, I'll try it.
I'm also a big believer in messaging the hell out of people. Honestly, I've probably sent about 8-10 messages in the past 24 hours. I don't know, maybe men view that as aggressive. All I know is that the messages I receive, 9 times out of 10, are from creeps or out of towners. I literally had a guy from FL email me to say the following:
"You created a very enjoyable profile to read! I live far away and we most likely would never meet, but I though you should know from someone completely anonymous that you rock. Rock on, girl...rock on."
I don't even know what to do with that. I did an internet shrug and moved on.
The more interesting development is that OKC has decided to use me to moderate the website. Yup, apparently someone thought that I have a great sense of propriety and decency (misread on that one), and they have now given me the power to review pictures, profiles, and messages that are deemed "inappropriate" by users. I am not Spiderman - I do not believe that this great power comes with great responsibility. So, I'll share a few of my favorites as this blog continues. I didn't have much time yesterday to investigate. But, I did come across a woman in a mesh body suit (nipples out!) posing with a dog statue. The woman, by the way, was over 50. Yahtzee! I told OKC to "Leave It Alone"...I hope I'm that brazen when I'm 50.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Placing an ad
I've been on hiatus from online dating...well, dating in general. I went through my "find a boyfriend before it's cold" phase in October last year and ended up dating someone who ghosted conveniently a week before Valentine's Day. I then found myself needing a distraction and experimented with OKCupid for the better part of February and March.
With summer here, I thought for sure I could snag a summer fling. The one problem being that I'm not in the fling spirit. I've had the fling, I've been the fling, I've dumped the fling. That's a lot of "f" words for an initial posting. I promise not to tone it down.
So, in an attempt to spice things up (and courtesy of the inspiration from okcenemies.com), I decided to fire up the old profile again. This is legitimately Day One. Or, Day One of Round 2 for you sticklers out there.
I am pleased to report that in the past hour I have already received 3 messages...ranging from a man in an unironic pimp hat to a kid (he's 24 for godsakes, I don't want to change diapers) swearing he's not a douchelord.
I'm not as bitter as I sound...I have an equal opportunity dating policy. If you make the effort, can manage a coherent message, and I don't get the feeling you're going to skin me, I'll go out with you. My mom would not approve of this taking-candy-from-stranger's attitude, but hey, I never found a needle in my candy apple on Halloween.
Now, I know there are thousands upon thousands of blogs in the giant blogosphere with women chronicling their dating experiences. From the mundane to the tragic to the hysterical. I can't promise I'll have any great advice or special insight. The only thing I can offer is a report of my meetings, messages, and transgressions. I've been talking about documenting this for years, and you know what? It's about time I actually did something about it.
So here we go...
With summer here, I thought for sure I could snag a summer fling. The one problem being that I'm not in the fling spirit. I've had the fling, I've been the fling, I've dumped the fling. That's a lot of "f" words for an initial posting. I promise not to tone it down.
So, in an attempt to spice things up (and courtesy of the inspiration from okcenemies.com), I decided to fire up the old profile again. This is legitimately Day One. Or, Day One of Round 2 for you sticklers out there.
I am pleased to report that in the past hour I have already received 3 messages...ranging from a man in an unironic pimp hat to a kid (he's 24 for godsakes, I don't want to change diapers) swearing he's not a douchelord.
I'm not as bitter as I sound...I have an equal opportunity dating policy. If you make the effort, can manage a coherent message, and I don't get the feeling you're going to skin me, I'll go out with you. My mom would not approve of this taking-candy-from-stranger's attitude, but hey, I never found a needle in my candy apple on Halloween.
Now, I know there are thousands upon thousands of blogs in the giant blogosphere with women chronicling their dating experiences. From the mundane to the tragic to the hysterical. I can't promise I'll have any great advice or special insight. The only thing I can offer is a report of my meetings, messages, and transgressions. I've been talking about documenting this for years, and you know what? It's about time I actually did something about it.
So here we go...
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